Discreet Gay looking for Love in the Suburbs

I have observed that almost all gays who are out live in city centres or at least very close to them. I have been to Auckland (New Zealand) Brisbane, Sydney and here in Melbourne, and the situation is like that. It is almost diffuclt for a discreet gay guy to find love in the suburbs.

Gays who are over 30 years old could mostly afford living alone in the city and those who are just starting either share a flat with a "flat" mate. Others regardless of age or how much they could afford would like be with a partner by now.

I guess what attracts most gays in the city centres is that they are near the "fun" places - Gay Saunas, Gay Pubs and the like. I am not sure of the probability of finding someone special there but it seems that younger guys want to stay mostly single and just be in the fun.

Gays avoid the suburbs because these places are more family "straight" oriented and the fact they are in this type of zones makes themselve very uncomfortable surrounded by the environment. Thus, the phrase gay friendly area sprouted where most gays or lesbians would associate to.

As not everybody would be accomodated by the city it is more than likely that these gays live in appartnemt units where it feels like a garden of asphalt or brick walls surrounding them.

I like particularly quiet suburban living. Though I am not really into gardening I like to have backyard of my own. I like a suburb which is not too far from the city but will still enjoy the suburburn style. I am not sure if most Discreet Gays live this way.

I am not quite sure why I choose the unpopular ways however I would say that this is me. The next question would be, Would I find love in this part of Melbourne?

Straight?: True Stories of Unlikely Sexual Encounters Between Men

Eye Candy of a Discreet Gay Guy

I have googled for a definition of Eye Candy but not one gave me a satisfying term that I could use here in my next blog. I guess I am going to use my own description (rather a definition) of the act of "Eye Candying."

When I usually go to a mall, side walk cafe or park where there are heaps of guys, I usually sit down for an hour and enjoy the sight of different sorts of men either passing by. Looking at their cute faces has always been a treat. Now that is Eye Candy.

What happens if the one doing the Eye Candy is discreet and afraid to be caught checking out guys. That is me that I am referring to I think? lol.

When I was young checking out guys is something that I fear doing. I hardly can do this when I was still working and living in my orginal South East Asian country. A guy who stare back could be a gay/bi himself or a scouting call boy who are looking for customers which I find it absurd.

Now that I am in the so-called free world Australia, I have more freedom to do what I want to do. With no family relos (relatives) to judge me, I could go to a mall and just do my "Eye Candy" thing.

I thought at first that it was easy to do, but I am finding that I still carry in me that fear of being caught. Aussies young and not so old are really fun to watch but there is only a few seconds to really look at them.

Physical attractiveness in these guys are good. I know I have fetishes or wants in a man (apart from being masculine, short hair, nice arms). But I am finding these qualities are secondary and when I look at the eyes of these guys - either (wether gay or not) they are empty.

I can only sigh and just imagine of touching the guy passing by. Question do pass-by my mind: "When will I stop eye candying and finally meet my life time partner and best friend?"

Australian Idol 2008 Masculinity Crushes

This is a masculinity cum performance review of Australian Idol 2008. It really gives me a smile to watch my three favorite contestants.

Luke Dickens, the shearer, wasn't really my favorite in terms of looks. His voice and style of singing is very unique to him that is for sure. He would not make it to the top three if he is not that really good. What I really don't like about his looks was his funny looking beard. Now guys, my preferences are showing up. When his wife (yes, he is married) told everybody on national television that his beard has to go off, he obeyed and last Sunday he looked very fantastic. As you can see in his picture above, he looks handsome - nice smile, clean looking and most importantly - he does not have an empty eyes. I am glad he took it off.

I really like his version of With Arms Wide Open last Sunday. He looked like Justin Chambers of Grey's Anatomy. I hope ends up in the Final 2.




Teale Jekubenko is another favorite of mine. This humble blokey bloke has been voted always in the bottom three. And with the changes of the voting system, he performed more than anyone else on stage through out the whole competition. He was booted out unfortunately last Monday but if my memory serves me right, Chris Isaak will invite the one who will be left off on that night for his Australian tour. So I hope he keeps his promise.



Other than that this bloke reminds me of myself (well not the singing and looks part) more particularly that bit about his relationship with his Dad. My Dad rarely say "I Love you" to his sons and so is Teal's. (Well I hope what I heard and what I am writing is accurate. ) During early elimination rounds, his Dad said those three words. Touching.


I like the masculinity of this bloke, great smile and more importantly his eyes are not empty. His eyes shows that he is deep, sensitive and caring. I hope my analysis is true.

And now, on to my number 1 favorite:

Mark Spano. This Melbourne Aussie Italian bloke has the Spano effect amongst his fans. This at least is my analysis. He comes to me as a masculine sensual bad boy but good mannered bloke. His scars in his head did not stop him from being liked by women and myself as well. He had ups and downs in his performances, but I believe he has a promising future. His story about his two year absence in singing is inspiring. It shows that God has a real purpose for us to understand that our downs teaches us to move up to higher planes in our life's journey. And oh! Mark's eyes are not empty at all!


The motown episode was my favorite ones, where Mark rendered "You keep me hanging" was his triumphant moment in my honest opinion. He looked cute, not too bady boy looking and he showed pleasant energy in his performance.



I would have to exclude Wes, the favorite contestant in this season of Australian Idol. I don't have the thing for long hair. Besides, my review was more of the Masculinity factor. Wes wasn't booted off but he was in the bottom two for the first time last Monday night. I think his over confidence resulted into this. I reckon his last performance wasn't that really appealing.

You noticed that I not only evaluated these guys based on masculinity and looks but also if their eyes are empty or not. This is important for me in a guy because behind the good looks what is far more important is the soul behind those eyes.


I am not wishing to date these straight guys. I am praying I would be meeting the likes of them.

Change, 4 Seasons in One Day

I woke up this morning with a sense of change ahead of the day. It's the 5th of November 2008 in Melbourne and likely afternoon, 4th of November 2008 in the East Coast of America - Election Day. The temperature was cold this morning and as they went on the mercury went up. I thought the 4 seasons in one day that everyone has been telling me was a joke. Well it isn't.

The change in temperature meant also there is this breeze of change going on. I received a text message mid day from a friend telling me that Obama was winning. At 4:00 in the afternoon, another message, my friend telling me that he is very teary watching Obama giving his acceptance speech. Change has come to America and change will likely to happen the rest of the world.

He highlighted gays and asians in speech saying that him being elected is:

"... the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican,
black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not
disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just
a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states."

I reckon Obama will be a symbol that telling everybody that being different in colour, race or creed does not matter. Whilst it has mentioned several times by many that USA has still racial divisions and scars of the past especially amongst African Americans needs to be healed, I don't see that much when I am in the United States because it seemed to me, everyone is relaxed there about different colours and race.

A number of Australians pride themselves of cultural diversity but I reckon the country is still a young country to be like USA where black or white is not really a big problem. (This is still subject to debate of course). I could give Australia a go, in fairness. But there are still some quarters in society within Australia of racial friction. I hope this will change and I hope Obama's win is a welcome wave.

Now, the word gay was mentioned in Obama's speech. I heard that the Democrats will introduce equal rights to gays and lesbians. I don't know how acurate but it feels like it. What worries me really is within the gay and lesbain community, there is also discrimination amongst themselves. Another change to tackle? I guess, I won't make this too significant for me. No President or Pope can change the whole world perfectly. Life is about contrasting colours, ideas, thoughts. It is like the weather, the contrasting temperatures and characteristics in each season(i.e. Winter, Spring, Summer & Fall) tells us a hidden truth (rather than a mystery). There is a reason for all these to exist.

The reasons are showing up now. Change.

Saturday Night Fever - My Gay Bar Adventure

It is interesting how I have different experiences whenever I decide to go out gay bar/pub-hopping. In the past 7 years, I have spent most of the time in Australia & New Zealand & a few occassions in the United States. And, I have only pleasant memories in bars & night clubs in the United States.


Going to gay bars and night clubs is not a usual weekend routine for me. I learned to go to these places only here in Australia. This is when I decided to slowly come out in the open and expose myself "what is out there". Well last night I decided to go to Melbourne's gay spots.


I went first to the Opium Den, where it is known for Asian gays hanging out. I did not stay more than 5 minutes. Oddly enough, there weren't that much people inside and most of the people there were Lesbians. I would have thought that it will be busy because it is the Melbourne Cup long weekend. I decided to go The Peel Hotel. (No, it is not the hotel that you are thinking. These common in Australia where old hotels are turned into pubs or night clubs. The owners retain the name of the the hotel.).


When I got in, I have seen the usual Australian gay pub/bar scene - very loud music, gay bar tenders who never seem to cut the habit of raising their eyebrows, & of course the gay men and lesbians. There is not much of an eye candy last night and saw only a few guys that I really like looking at (masculine caucasian men). The night is not complete without an mature gay man approaching me and sure enough someone did. LOL! (I may have to write about them in my next blog. I have nothing against them honestly but lately I made a conscious choice to look for men around my age.). It seems like I am not invisible to these mature men. .


The asian gay men mostly flock together and seldom see Gay White Men hanging out with them except only when I see a silver haired man tailing them. I just smiled. My purpose in going there was not to get laid; but I was hoping I would be able to meet someone special there to talk or ask later for a date (wishful thinking). Unfortunately I did not meet anyone. I guess I am too shy to approach someone or it is really hard going alone to a gay pub. My experience in New Zealand is pretty much the same.


It is not really fun going to a pub regardless whether I am alone or be with a friend. It is loud & noisy and probably the only only thing that gay men would like to do in a pub second to dancing is to get laid.



My United States gay bar experiences were uniquely different and I could not emphasize it more - pleasant. I always see bars with African Americans, Latinos, Asians and Caucasian Americans all interacting with each other.


The GYM Sports Bar in Manhattan is so far the nicest one that I went to in the United States. The concept of the bar being sports bar is very cool. There are different sorts of gay men who go there but mostly are masculine types. I have seen 1 or 2 women who probably be the partners of the straight bar tenders there. Yes, that is right. The owners hire straight bar tenders. So you dont get to see eyebrow raising and you would be motivated to tip. Did I mention they serve customers without their shirts on?


I was just in Manhattan last month! I hanged around the Locker Room Bar downstairs and sat at the bar looking at the cute bar tender. Also, a friendly looking guy who looks like Hugh Grant intiated a conversation with me and it was great. He was acting like the funny Hugh Grant though. LOL! Another bloke from Maine approached me and tried to convince me to take him to my hotel room. LOL. I declined. (He was on a rebound having recently breaking up with his now ex-partner. ) It did not matter to me whether I brought someone back to my hotel or not. Overall, I enjoyed my time.


It is a bit ironic that I chose Australia because it is a nice place to live in compared to the United States. It is that gay thing bit that I am having trouble making it work. I don't totally blame the gay men here or the Aussies in generally. Come to think of it - there is something in me that needs changing. I'll figure it out - I know I will.