Holding The Man

I've met men in my life and never really progressed to a relationship. I think most of the men I have met have only guys who prefer just to have fun. When they do sex, it just sex - mechanical, clinical and no feelings at all.

The only feelings I guess that I know that they feel is the what they feel at the end of their member.

I notice that passionate kissing and touching is not their cup of tea. I feel that they are too afraid that the sex will just go to higher level - fear of intamacy, committment? What are these gays thinking? I wonder.

I could not remember where I really had an intimate sensual time with someone. Maybe there isn't one and I am still waiting for the time for that guy to come into my life. When I offer dates to gays, you could see in their body language that they don't want it. Sometimes, I think I am just too full-on to them and really being obvious that I am trying hard to be in a relationship. It could be true and I have started to become aware of this.

I have mentioned several times in my previous blog entries about my fascination about a man's eyes. When I make love with someone, I always look at the eyes and communicate silently as I kiss. I close my eyes and still see the guys eyes? Over the years, though I just close them right away knowing that the guy is just looking for fun. Sad? I am not giving up.

Whilst I wait for my man, I play to get some release or maybe to see what is the opportunity there. (What really are my choices?) More than often these days, I John Palmer is my friend. But whenever I get the chance to be with a man, I try to be sensual, passionate with sex.

Even it is pretend "make love", I really love the feeling of a sensual kiss. Feeling the other guys "total being" is what I seek. Two bodies touching each other is universal explosion, no kinky-ness but I guess a different kind of love. Do I get what I trying to discuss in this journal? Yes and No. Yes because I try to and No becuase it is just pretend "make love." I know that these guys will just leave.

My latest experience was a 4 hour sex with someone. He did want me to release because I will just go quickly. He wanted to savour the kisses and touches. Amazing really except for one thing....he gave his name and left right away. He said I was cool and was calling me babe all the time. What was that all about.

So with the things I am recounting, will I realy be able to "hold my man." Does falling in love really exists in the homosexual world. Does all the judgements and views from people about gays affected how we gays really operate?

I am aware of what I like with my man. My head on his chest. Smelling his hair/head. Sensual touches and smooches...and talking....

Holding The Man

From the land of "Down Under" comes this true story about a male high school drama student who falls in love with the captain of the football team. Winner of the United Nations Human Rights Award for Nonfiction, HOLDING THE MAN has been adapted into a play opening in America in September 2007. The playwright who adapted the book for stage refers to this a a memoir of striking and unapologetic honesty.

Sensuality in Pornography

I have to admit that I have a naughty side. Some tell me that I am decent naughty boy.

I do not hide the fact that I watch homosexual pornographic movies. Call me odd but most pornographic movies are boring and at one occassion in Sydney, I asked for a porn like movie with a story line. Believe me, I had the weirdest look when I asked the store person about what I am looking for.

I honestly get bored easily with kinky and dirty pornography and I would rather choose a sexual scene with a lot of kissing, touching or sensual play. I guess this is my inate nature seeking passionate and sensual making love with someone.

I give kudos to Corbin Fisher's Amatuer College Men for coming up with a site of men having sex with men but with a twist. What is the twist then? It is the sensuality of the scenes that I appreciate very much like with this site. The kissing and touching are very sensual and 99% near real. The foreplays are great and the fact that most of the actors are (were) straight men is intruiging.

Most of the men are very straight acting so it is believable that they are really straight men. In a news article in Time Magazine tells the readers that there is a new label are now being identified to men who have sex men but who are not gays or bisexual and that is MSM. That new abbrev means Men having Sex with Men. Some gay quarters, with their snooty attitude, would just say "whateeever!" but I won't pass on any judgement because I have never been in their shoes. Anyways...the actors in Corbin Fisher's site have been recruited as mostly straight boys. Some usually start with a solo shot and later on learns the ropes of kissing, touching and having sex with the same sex.

The site has an counter part sub-site which features the same men having sex with the female gender. The Bi-Tag team has increasingly been marked as favourites. I like this idea in the sense that it wards off any doubts about this men. It is okay to say they needed money in order to do the MSM thing. But over the years, I would say these regular men who are featured in the site were nervous at the start but have enjoyed doing MSM stuff as they do more scenes with a guy.

I don't know these guys personally but I would say I have very good impressions about them. Derek is one of my favourites. A guy with a girlfriend who did heaps of MSM scenes. The girlfriend know what he does and is probably cool with it. I think he did a scene already with his girlfriend. Notably I find him a kind natured masculine guy. In every scene, he is always in the moment especially during foreplay. Sensuality Score: 100.


Another one is Dawson. This Mr. Smiley face is a kind hearted soul, I reckon. His smile is a bit cheeky but I sense he is really a nice bloke. Now, now, these are just impressions that I am telling ya. In several occassions, he always asks his bed scene partner what their straight/homosexual scale is. I am not clear what his is but regardless, I don't sense any gayness at all. Sensuality score is also 100.

Brent (left in the picture) for me will receive a sensuality of 150 out of 100. I like the way he holds on to his bed scene lover during foreplay, during copulation, and after the sex. Often I see him place his head on top of the chest or back of his guy partner and hold them firmly. For a very blokey guy, he is cool and looks like he does not have any attitude at all. You will see what I mean when you see him do an MSM with Cody.

Cody (right one in the picture) is another bloke I like. I would rather give him the Cudly score of 100 rather than a sensuality score. His masculinity is tops but you see the kind softness in his eyes. Definitely no straight guy attitude. He is a bit stiff for sensuality but cuddly enough. Maybe that is why Cody held him tightly at one stage. Hehe.

I have this thing for American guys. Their eyes tell you more when you look at them. It is a difference which I noticed in comparison to Australian guys. American guy's eyes are more open and twinkly than Aussies.

I could only dream to date one of them. Oh well.

Anyway...try their site now and see for yourself what I am talking about. It is a good site for those who do not want to be totally dirty. It is for those who just want to imagine that they are being touched with passion, compassion and sensuality even if it was just imagination.